How To Deal With A Heartbreak?

If you chose to click on this article, then it’s likely that you’re going through a hard time or have experienced heartbreak before, but parts of the pain still remain — a relationship broke, and now you feel broken too. Maybe you’ve just ended a marriage or maybe you’re experiencing your first heartache, either way, you have come to the right place. It can be very difficult to deal with pain from the past relationship as well as the fear of never finding the right person, or more so, of ending up alone in the future.

This article focuses on 5 tips to help you break through the pain of your breakup so that you can start discovering the elements of healing and joy;

  1. Set up your support system –

Getting through a breakup requires support and having your friends and family members with you as you pull yourself back together can be helpful. You need to understand that your ex-partner cannot help you move on, therefore your support system has to be someone apart from them. Try to come up with a list of three people with whom you feel safe or that make you feel better. This may include your friends, parents, siblings, adult children, coworkers, community resources or even online groups or forums. Seeking professional counselling can be of great help too.

  1. Talk and share your story –

It’s important to share your story with someone, and sometimes even over and over again. While sharing and talking about it, you may feel the need to cry – and that is absolutely fine. Sharing and talking to another person gives you a sense of support and comfort to know that you aren’t alone in this journey to ruminate over your lost relationship or in your efforts to move on. In fact, the very act of sharing and grieving help you let go of the pent up emotions, thereby, aiding you to heal and move on. Discussions with another person may additionally also offer a new perspective that may reframe the way you had been seeing the event all along. Lastly, you will begin to feel heard, which in itself is an important stepping stone in your path to healing.

  1. Practice self-care –

Self-care is taking care of the physical, emotional, social, mental/cognitive, and spiritual parts of yourself. Practicing self-care is crucial to your self-esteem and self-love. It’s especially important during hard times, like after a valued relationship ends. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we simply will not have the endurance to overcome the loss and pain. A lot of people tend to confuse “self-care” with being “selfish”, which is not the case at all. Making time for hobbies or activities you enjoy is a start, begin with simple activities like meditation, yoga, journaling or even visiting an old friend. You need to consciously focus energy and attention on yourself and your healing.

  1. Accept and live in the present

Grounding yourself in the present can be difficult, especially when you wish to be in the past where things were good and your relationship was strong, or when you wish to be in the future, feeling happy, or in a new, thriving relationship. It can certainly be challenging, but accepting where you are – what has happened, and how you feel about it—is part of moving forward. In fact, it is the only way forward. Identify those things over which you’re fighting yourself. Ask yourself, “Can I accept this?” If not, try asking, “What is holding me back?” Ask, “What would my life be like if I simply accepted this breakup and the way things are right now?” Then pen down your thoughts in a journal. It may help to take a deep breath, and repeat to yourself, “I accept” as often as necessary until you actually believe it. You can also try out different mindfulness exercises which are very helpful in keeping your awareness in the present moment.

  1. Acknowledge and truly experience all your feelings

Usually one tends to ignore, distract from and eventually block out any feelings that may be coming up. This is done because you may be feeling scared of what will happen if these strong feelings were to come out. However, the longer these feelings are avoided, the more they grow to control us and become stronger than ever. There is no hack to this, you simply have to let yourself feel your negative emotions as they come. These could be feelings of sadness, pain, anxiety, stress, grief, fear, anger, insecurity, guilt, or even shame. You can do this on your own or with the three people you identified as your support system. After you have acknowledged your feelings, it’s important to stay with them. Sit with the feeling as long as you can, taking breaks as needed and repeating until the emotions lighten. You can end this heavy process by practicing any one act of self-care.

To conclude, overcoming heartbreak and reclaiming yourself can be a difficult process, but it will happen. A lot of you believe that time will heal everything, however that is not true. Time does not heal everything, you have to put in active efforts to heal yourself and grow in the direction you want to. Leaving things to fate is a passive approach to dealing with something, which can make one feel helpless and powerless in the face of a stressor. It can also lead to prolonged grief, where over time the intensity of the emotions or pain reduces, but you end up living with a deep sense of loss/longing, which becomes a part of your personality and outlook to life.

So let’s commit to working on reclaiming ourselves back!

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