Make Your Passion Your Therapy

It was 18th June 2018, when my parents drove me from Indore to Vadodara to drop me off to college. Just like anyone else, I too was elated to be back to college for my second year of Bachelors. Little did I know that the day would turn out to be a nightmare for me. It was about 2 pm when my parents left off for home. In a rush to attend a lecture, I just gave them a quick hug and ran for my class. Later that evening, I had my kathak class and as a part of the routine, I was expecting my mom to wake me up from my nap. But, for some reason, she didn’t call me that day. I still managed to get up in time and get ready which gave me immense happiness and a feeling of independence. To share this feeling with my mother, I called her.

I could sense that she sounded low and disturbed, to which she told me that they had a car accident on their way back home. My heart skipped a beat and I didn’t understand what had just happened. My mom had multiple fractures and she even broke her hip joint. Her condition was critical and rare. I felt helplessness take over me as I gasped for breath. I remember being unable to sleep the entire night, staring at the roof, howling, and desperately wishing for all of this to be just a bad dream. What stayed with me from that conversation was the sound of the ambulance siren which I could hear throughout. That sound haunted me the entire night. It was disabling, scarring, and deeply anxiety-provoking.

Being the only child, I had always been pampered and protected, to a point that I wasn’t even allowed to travel alone which meant that I couldn’t go to meet my mother that time. So, I just had to hold myself up. She was hospitalised for better care and even though nothing could be nearly as comforting as being in her physical presence, we spoke every day. Ironically, instead of me encouraging her, it was always her who motivated me and gave me immense strength to go on. Seeing her being in excruciating pain, and yet wanting me to be in high spirits was life-altering for me. No matter how devastated I felt, I began to believe that my mom would be fine as she’s the most fierce warrior I’ve ever met. She told me that she’d be happy to see me excel in my college exams as well as in my kathak performance which was lined up within a few days. This reinstated in me the belief, that I wouldn’t use the current circumstance as an excuse to not perform well. Gradually, the triggering siren sound was replaced with my mother’s firm voice telling me that I was her brave child. Her words gave me strength, hope, and the power to persevere.

All this while, my Kathak Guru maa took care of me like one of her own. She knew everything about my mother’s injury. She motivated me, supported me, and even stood beside me in times when I got flashbacks or just felt blank in the middle of the class. Everyday after college hours, I used to visit my Guru maa to keep myself occupied and to be around her, feeling comfort and ease. It was shortly after that our dance competition was due. It was a huge event in which all contestants came with their parents except me. However, as I was backstage, I received a message saying “turtle you were missing us so we are here”. Yes, my mom called me a turtle. But, these were my two best friends and roommate who came to support me for my performance as my parents would have. They didn’t want me to feel I was alone. And there I was, feeling elated to see such embracive support. These three stood by me in thick and thin, continuing to encourage me and support me.

It was about two months from then that I could finally meet my mother. I was beyond elated to see her. Just hugging her tight was so reassuring for me. I can never thank her enough for being my constant support system and for never failing to lift my mood. The beauty of perseverance is that you always end up with more than you could’ve imagined. Later, I also got an opportunity to represent India in the “Golden Dolphin International dance competition” which was held in Georgia and I even won the 2nd Prize.

My mom always says, “whenever you fall in life, get up and work harder rather than sitting and crying. The world will not care for your excuses, but will just see who reached the finish line first”. It is her compassion, courage, strength, endurance, and belief that has made me a more resilient version of myself. A version that didn’t give in to tough times, that persevered to reach out and talk to people, continued to see the glass half full, and excelled to make her passion not only therapeutic but also a motivation. Altogether, I believe that my passion and endless support from my mother, Gurumaa, and friends, helped me to channelise my anxiety into creativity.

Today, I feel a different me. A ‘me’ that may encounter many obstacles, but rigidly opposes being defeated in spirit. I have come to believe that it is crucial to face challenges, so one can know who they are, what they can rise from, and still come out flying with vibrant enthusiasm. I am grateful that instead of being bogged down by a mountain of hardships, I was maybe scared, but never gave up. I held close to my support and passion and continued to be inspired. Inspired to be hungrier to succeed.

And if I can, so can YOU!