It’s Okay To Fall Apart Sometimes!

This one is an ode to all the mommies out there – You are doing a fabulous job!
Words like quarantine, lockdown, stay home, social distancing are no more new and unique to the people living today. Everyone is aware and struggling to get through this uninvited and least prepared phase of life. And trust me, we all feel each other. Being a working mother, my life has been all about – feeding, cleaning, teaching and yet managing Work From Home beautifully.
Ladies, this is the time to show the world, what we are capable of…and I am 10000% sure that all of you out there are managing this to the best of your ability. So, rather than feeling defeated and worrying about how to sail through this, just remember that YOU are a woman and most importantly a mother, and YOU are a superhero in all the ways. YOU were created to perform miracles. When YOU can give birth to another human being, anything and everything is possible for YOU. It’s just that we sometimes forget that we have our CAPES hidden somewhere beneath our fancy wardrobe and very often we can’t remember to use it.
RISE and SHINE!! It’s time to find your superhero cape and use it till we are out of this unfortunate situation and even beyond that.
Whenever I feel helpless, I just remember who is watching me and it gives me so much strength. Yes, I am talking about my daughter. I don’t want her to feel pity over me at all. So I just wake up, get up and dress up.
Let’s see it as an opportunity to show to the world that however broken I am from the inside, I am still ready to knock this out…it’s just a VIRUS after all and I have handled much more than this, all through my life…(I am dead sure all the married ladies would agree with this).
I know many of you by now would have started thinking that it’s good to write and read about such things but practically impossible to follow the same, but believe me I am in this with all of you. I also have my rough days when I get depressed just at the drop of a hat. But let me tell you this straight- sometimes there is NO ONE out there who can make you feel better other than but YOU.
Help yourself!
YOU need yourself more than your kiddos need you. Heal yourself to heal the people around you. Remember- ‘you cannot pour from an empty cup’!
Being a teacher, I am always surrounded by children, laughter and happiness all around, and I am used to getting vacations every summer and winter. But this was not a usual break. Initially everybody in the house was happy about the fact that it’s the first time ever, we all were together without worrying about the office and school so the quarantine started off well. But the scariest part was yet to come.
A few days passed and we started getting irritated with all the mess that was created around the house. The continuous cleaning in the absence of the house help made it even more difficult as most of us are used to the “luxuries of living in India”. Tolerating my own little one throughout the day started getting unmanageable. Cherry on the cake was the extreme work pressure.
I am an introvert and can hardly express fear, love, anger and every other emotions. But, I do get disturbed and move into my shell when people around me don’t acknowledge the fact that I am doing my best to complete my work, both, at work and at home. I have dealt with this feeling throughout my life and am still trying to cope up. But, with time and experience, I have learnt that talking and venting out is the best remedy. It really helps me to feel light when I share my load with another.
Many a times it used to happen that I used to get upset with my husband for something he didn’t even used to be aware of that he’s done. The same was with my mother-in-law too. Sometimes, I forgot that they are human beings too and it’s difficult to unlock the unspoken words. I used to get upset with people for not being able to understand what I am going through, but, now I know it’s absolutely normal even for our mothers to not be aware of what exactly we are looking for until we make it clear to them. We need to communicate!!!!!!!
Being prone to depression or a feeling of being lost and helpless is absolutely OKAY. But what is NOT OKAY is the fact that we stop communicating with our people. I realised that people who love me will never judge me for what I feel. So, it was high time I started talking about my feelings with others. Vent out my feelings; try to explain what I expect from them so that we can workout a middle path, which doesn’t hurt either one in the situation.
I learnt that acceptance is another step towards happiness and contentment. Just as, I have feelings and I may feel depressed on some days, the same can happen to my parents, in laws, my husband and even my tiny little one in the house. Accepting and acknowledging their feelings and emotions is equally important for a healthy relationship and a happy family. It really helped me.
This lockdown taught me great lessons and gave me the courage to do imbibe these learnings for the very first time. I started by making my point clear to other family members. I gathered all the courage to send across the message that whatever was expected from me in the house will only be possible after my working hours were over.
Being a work-o-holic, I cannot compromise on the quality of work that I produce and my family members definitely need to know, understand and accept that. I made my point clear and BINGO….I felt so light after that. Hakuna Matata!
There is no denying that after my working hours I give my 100% to finish the tasks that were my responsibility at home. Just like workplace, I strive to give my best even at home. And moreover, it’s a gesture to make my family members feel that I acknowledge the helping hand they extend when I need them. It’s like boomerang- what you do, comes back to you.
Gradually, with tons of communication and understanding, everything started falling in place. Everybody was more than happy to extend a helping hand wherever possible. Here, I would like to acknowledge my husband for making this transition smooth for me and for everyone else in the house. He’s been doing that like a PRO for almost 10 years now.
So, this one is for all the men reading this – it’s important to maintain and strike a balance even at home just like workplace. Sometimes, all your lady needs is a listening ear. Many a times it has happened to us that the problems were solved as soon as the other one listened patiently.
My major take back has been that it is perfectly OKAY to be imperfect. These little imperfections lead to building memories. My little one will get to learn about problem solving skills when she looks at how such problems arise and more importantly by observing how I tackled the situation. Even if my life is perfect it wouldn’t imply that her’s will be too. This is not a biological process. This is life.
Just like I have taught her to wash their hands in order to fight this virus, the same way I can teach her to embrace the imperfections of life. This virus will take some more time to go. Currently, from where I stand, it’s here to stay in our life. The same way, we need to accept that problems are a part of our life and there is nothing wrong with a situation arising when it was least expected. What is not right is the fact that you run away from such situations. If not for ourselves, then for our children, we need to work upon solving our problems rather than escaping or feeling lost over them.
Tell your child loud and clear- IT’S OK TO FALL APART SOMETIMES!!